60” x 48” x 1.5” Oil on Canvas (2020). Part of Original Woman series. Price: $8,000 (plus shipping). 25 Limited Edition Prints (sold out). Please send all inquiries to infojenniferwarrenart@gmail.com.

I see this self portrait as proof that I can do more than I give myself credit for. I AM more than I give myself credit for. I’m not sure what exactly drove me to want to create this piece. Maybe the heartbreak, feelings of inadequacy, the depression and defeat that I was experiencing at the time. I felt as though I was losing my sense of self and I was being betrayed by my thoughts.

I needed to see myself as the person I used to think I was. Before all of this ache had set in and before my heart was attacked with the illusion of being in love only to find that I was, and had always been alone.

For a long time, deep down, I’d wanted to be someone’s muse. I’d always thought that would be a beautiful thing to have happen. But it’s not something that can be forced and the way I saw it, the inspiration could go both ways. I thought I may have come close to that type of relationship with a few people but it always fell short of allowing us to be together in that way. It felt like failed potential. In a deeply disappointed state, I decided I should try to produce the type of photo that someone might take of me if they were indeed in love with me.

I washed up and moisturized my skin, fixed my hair to be as large as possible and put on my yellow silk kimono with pink and violet flowers that I had purchased as a special gift for myself right after a traumatic event that had taken place the year before. I fixed the lighting in my apartment to a warm blush color, arranged some of my favorite things in an attractive way, turning my couch into a makeshift throne or some sort of shrine. I put flowers at my feet and next to my bare legs. As I sat there in my apartment with my iphone connected to a bluetooth remote, the lamp facing me and the blinds drawn, I tried to muster up all of the self confidence, pride, and sensually I could find within, then discretely push the button.

Quite a few takes later, I knew I had what I needed. When I looked at the photo that I took of myself that night, I saw someone who was in control of their emotions and comfortable in their own skin. I saw the grown up version of myself who would not settle for a half ass commitment, a stifled apology, or anything less than true love. Then, I decided to challenge myself with painting a self portrait. Something, I had never actually done. I felt it was necessary for me to see that I actually am the person sitting there in that photo, on the couch shrine. An artist, with flowers at her feet. I needed to be that for myself.